What a Sock Might Say

Take me off, put your feet up, relax.

I’m registered on match.com.

Hey, trust me, I’m clean. I haven’t had athlete’s foot in over a year.

Just because I have an embroidered-in pattern doesn’t (yes, it does) mean I’m better than you, you plain white sock.

I may be plain, but at least I have a baseball team named after me. I don’t see any Chicago Alpaca-Printed Sox around here.

Why must I be burdened with the role of Most Important Article of Clothing?

Revisit Your Sock Drawer

1. Empty contents of sock drawer onto a clean surface.

2. Pair up loose socks. Keep unmatched socks for 1 month. Remove any socks with holes or stains. Old socks can be recycled. They’re perfect for making down-and-out hand puppet characters, car buffers, or try filling with beans for an economical game of bean sock toss.

3. Purchase 40-50 clothes hangers. Iron and drape socks over hangers (two pairs per hanger). You’ll need plenty of closet space, so you may need to remove several articles of clothing. If your closet is still too tight, continue using your sock drawer.

4. If returning socks to a drawer, group according to color, style and/or smell. Use shoe boxes to keep socks separated within the drawer. Use the tri-fold technique instead of the cuff-ball method to save time and cuff elasticity.


5. Attention to your socks doesn’t end here. Continue to match and sort your socks as you launder or purchase additional socks for the rest of your life.

6. Take time to enjoy your sock drawer. Leave your drawer open now and again so your organizational skills and fashion sense can be recognized. Sock drawers are also great places to hide written messages to yourself. Start simple with something like “hi, feet!”

Nevermind

Found it. My red striped sock was behind my dresser. Thanks for all the support during this crisis. Carol, the casserole was delicious! Please send the recipe.

Red Sox Vs. White Sox

Boston Red Sox vs. Chicago White Sox (at Fenway Park, Boston):

• Friday, 8/29/2008 (7:05 PM)
• Saturday, 8/30/2008 (7:05 PM)
• Sunday, 8/31/08 (1:35 PM)


Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox (at Wrigley Field, Chicago):

• Friday, 8/8/2008 (7:11 PM)
• Saturday, 8/9/2008 (6:05 PM)
• Sunday, 8/10/2008 (1:05 PM)
• Monday, 8/11/2008 (7:11 PM)

"Hints From Heloise" Rejected Submission Titles

Save Your Nice Leggings:
Use old pantyhose for bank heists and robberies

Beat the Heat with Cool Feet:
Turn your refrigerator's crisper drawer into a sock drawer

Going Camping? Don't forget a sock canteen.

Spice Up Your Sock's Life

The Anti-Sock

Sandals. Need I say more?