What a Sock Might Say

Take me off, put your feet up, relax.

I’m registered on match.com.

Hey, trust me, I’m clean. I haven’t had athlete’s foot in over a year.

Just because I have an embroidered-in pattern doesn’t (yes, it does) mean I’m better than you, you plain white sock.

I may be plain, but at least I have a baseball team named after me. I don’t see any Chicago Alpaca-Printed Sox around here.

Why must I be burdened with the role of Most Important Article of Clothing?