Out of Stock Sock

I was almost finished with my Christmas shopping, but had one more gift to buy. That's when I was introduced to these beauties by Natural Collection. The only problem: they're out of stock. Sorry Alex, looks like you'll get something boring like a new iPod or cotton candy machine.

Sockology Lesson, Part I

Centuries ago, animal skins were used as foot protection. The skins were cleaned and bound above the ankles for protection from the elements and debris. Slap a logo on them and they would have made a nice pair of Nike cross-trainers -- good for hunting, gathering, and/or bear fighting.

Today socks are less animal skin and more sockey materials like cotton, wool, silk, polyester and nylon. I somehow doubt I would have started a sock blog centuries ago had socks not evolved past animal skins. Partly because I'm not that into leather socks, and partly because I bet the internet connections were really slow back then.

This isn't an example of the earliest pairs of socks, but a pair of leather socks worn by Sir Admiral Horatio Nelson's Socks.

O Captain's Socks! My Captain's Socks!

I visited my brother and sister-in-law in London last week. One afternoon, we hopped a boat to Greenwich where we set our watches to official GMT, looked through one of the largest telescopes in the world, and learned about Britain's great naval hero, Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson. Once we left the Royal Observatory, we moseyed into some shops and discovered Captain's Socks. The red sock identifies Port and the green sock identifies Starboard. Together they identify Christmas. I regret not purchasing them for our boat ride back to the Tower Bridge dock. Nothing happened; I just think they would have been festive.

If you're in the market for Captain's Socks, you can find them at Nauticalia in Greenwich, or purchase them on-line: http://www.nauticalia.com/uk-info/clothing/accessories/captain's_socks/6505.html

If you need to know the exact time, just contact me.

Epic Sock

My friends and I spotted a sock outside the Epic Burger restaurant in Chicago, IL. It caused quite a commotion as passers-by (my friends and I) stopped to snap photographs of the essential footwear. I should also note I found four buttons, two knit caps, two grocery lists, one glove and one penny. If this is what Chicago has to offer, then I heart Chicago.

Dear Santa,

Please bring me some Smartwool socks. They're so warm and comfy, but I feel so stupid spending $22 on a single pair of socks.

Sincerely,
Miranda

Do your feet get cold in the North Pole? Mine get cold in St. Louis. Here's a tip: layer your socks. Here's another tip: bring me some socks so I have some to layer.

Sincerely,
Miranda

I'd like to participate in one of the sock-knitting seminars offered by the elves. If the seminar doesn't exist, I'd like you to coordinate a sock-knitting seminar.

Sincerely,
Miranda

There have been many advancements made in genetic engineering. Have your elves stayed up to date with current trends? If so, it would be kind of cool to have another foot so I can wear more socks.

Sincerely,
Miranda

Please leave all my gifts next to my fireplace. I do not hang a stocking -- it's a terrible strain on the sock.

Sincerely,
Miranda

My New Socks

I bought some new socks over the weekend. Brown plaid knee-highs and seven pairs of brightly stitched cool-max, moisture-wicking, fun-infusing sport socks were among the mix. It's not even noon and I've already worn two pairs. Not because I needed to, but because I wanted to. We all know what it's like to have new socks. Sometimes they make you want to tell the world--like putting a message on a jumbotron, or shouting it from the rooftops. And other times they make you want to carry six boxes of donuts to work on your bike.

What a Sock Might Say

Take me off, put your feet up, relax.

I’m registered on match.com.

Hey, trust me, I’m clean. I haven’t had athlete’s foot in over a year.

Just because I have an embroidered-in pattern doesn’t (yes, it does) mean I’m better than you, you plain white sock.

I may be plain, but at least I have a baseball team named after me. I don’t see any Chicago Alpaca-Printed Sox around here.

Why must I be burdened with the role of Most Important Article of Clothing?

Revisit Your Sock Drawer

1. Empty contents of sock drawer onto a clean surface.

2. Pair up loose socks. Keep unmatched socks for 1 month. Remove any socks with holes or stains. Old socks can be recycled. They’re perfect for making down-and-out hand puppet characters, car buffers, or try filling with beans for an economical game of bean sock toss.

3. Purchase 40-50 clothes hangers. Iron and drape socks over hangers (two pairs per hanger). You’ll need plenty of closet space, so you may need to remove several articles of clothing. If your closet is still too tight, continue using your sock drawer.

4. If returning socks to a drawer, group according to color, style and/or smell. Use shoe boxes to keep socks separated within the drawer. Use the tri-fold technique instead of the cuff-ball method to save time and cuff elasticity.


5. Attention to your socks doesn’t end here. Continue to match and sort your socks as you launder or purchase additional socks for the rest of your life.

6. Take time to enjoy your sock drawer. Leave your drawer open now and again so your organizational skills and fashion sense can be recognized. Sock drawers are also great places to hide written messages to yourself. Start simple with something like “hi, feet!”

Nevermind

Found it. My red striped sock was behind my dresser. Thanks for all the support during this crisis. Carol, the casserole was delicious! Please send the recipe.

Red Sox Vs. White Sox

Boston Red Sox vs. Chicago White Sox (at Fenway Park, Boston):

• Friday, 8/29/2008 (7:05 PM)
• Saturday, 8/30/2008 (7:05 PM)
• Sunday, 8/31/08 (1:35 PM)


Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox (at Wrigley Field, Chicago):

• Friday, 8/8/2008 (7:11 PM)
• Saturday, 8/9/2008 (6:05 PM)
• Sunday, 8/10/2008 (1:05 PM)
• Monday, 8/11/2008 (7:11 PM)

"Hints From Heloise" Rejected Submission Titles

Save Your Nice Leggings:
Use old pantyhose for bank heists and robberies

Beat the Heat with Cool Feet:
Turn your refrigerator's crisper drawer into a sock drawer

Going Camping? Don't forget a sock canteen.

Spice Up Your Sock's Life

The Anti-Sock

Sandals. Need I say more?