The Sock Drawer: 2010 Gold Toe Award Entries

The long awaited 2010 Gold Toe Award entries are posted. I received wonderful submissions from all corners of the world. Well, two corners of the world--Saint Louis, MO, USA and London, UK--with an overwhelming response from folks in London. This confirms my theory that Londoners have a lot to say about foot coverings that reach a point between the ankle and the knee.

Thanks to everyone who contributed this year! You are all Gold Toe Award winners at heart, but the real life Gold Toe Award winners will be revealed later this week.

Category: Jokes

What did the lawyer say to her socks?
A: I'll see you in court shoes! (Ba da bing! This joke is incredibly funny in England where such a thing as 'court shoes' exist and are smart shoes that a lady lawyer might wear.)
What do you call an eight-legged cat with a penchant for hosiery?
A: A socktopus
What did the rooster say when he woke up in the lingerie department?
A: Sock-a-doodle-do!

- Liz D.
London
UK
Where do sailors leave their boating socks?
A: In the sockyard.

- John S.
London
UK
What do you call a sock from the east end?
A: Sockney
Have you heard the one about the gym sock?
A: It stinks.

- Montgomery S.
London
UK

Orson's sock joke (audio file below):

London
UK

How many socks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Socks-teen.
What did one sock say to the other?
A: Your momma’s so smelly her owner wears sandals.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sockrates.
Sockrates who?
It's just Sockrates.

- Carolee S.
London
UK

What’s been particularly volatile this year?
A: The sock market.
What flies across the sky and is enclosed by a knitted shield?
A: A shooting star in a sock.

- Matt S.
London
UK

Category: Short Essays, Dramas, Drama Quizzes, Musical Interpretations, & Who'd've thunk it?

In what play is this excerpt found?
Left sock: I’ve got King Henry’s foot covered.
Right sock: You must be mistaken. I’ve got our dear king’s foot covered.
Left sock: We’ve been over this a thousand times—
Right sock: I cover his foot as a royal sock should.
Left sock: True, and I’m covering his other foot. We’re a pair of socks.
Right sock: I forgot!
ANSWER: “Henry IV, Part Three” by William Socks-peare

- Matt S.
London
UK
When I was growing up I only wanted one thing: a giant sock that I could wear. There were, I figured, lots of benefits to wearing just one giant sock. For one thing, it would be easy to get dressed: just jump into your sock, pull it up over your shoulders and, voila, time to go play. For my socksth, er, I mean sixth birthday, my parents got me that giant sock and was I ever a happy. I wore that sock every day and every night. Over the next several years I became a successful entrepreneur. I think my success is attributable to my wardrobe: I still wear a giant sock every day but now that I’m an adult I also have a giant shoe.

-Matt S.
London
UK
Songs that would have appeared on Highway 61 Revisited if Bob Dylan was really into socks:
1. Like a Rolling Stone in a Sock
2. Tombsock Blues
3. It Takes a Lot to Laugh at a Sock, It Takes a Train to Cry over a Sock
4. From a Sock 6
5. Ballad of a Thin Man in Socks
6. Queen Jane Appsocksimately
7. Highway Soxty-one Revisited and Paved with Socks
8. Just Sock Tom Thumb's Blues
9. Desocklation Row
10. (bonus track) Sock-Eyed Lady of the Sockland (recorded live at the Sockland Sock Festival, Sockland, North Sockota)

- Matt S.
London
UK

From the “Who’d’ve thunk it” department: We sometimes say “That sucks!” to express a disappointing turn of events. The corresponding phrase to express a positive turn of events was originally “That socks!” . . . . Unfortunately, those fat cats in Washington rejected the sock-based phrase because it was deemed “too similar to the negative phrase.”

-Matt S.
London
UK

Category: Photos Combining Socks with Very Cute Things (Original photography or from the Internet)

- Orson S.
London
UK

- Alex B.
Saint Louis, MO
USA

Category: Excuses for Not Entering

List of Excuses Why I Did Not Submit An Entry to the 2010 Gold Toe Awards:
Thought I had more time
Thought it had to be a picture
I don't have a camera
I forgot
I remembered, but then forgot again
I am watching the St. Louis Cardinals home opener
Now my dog needs to go out
I have no inspiration
I sprained my ankle
I miss Rick Ankiel
Lunchtime!
I am back, but uninspired
Socks are so last season
I really doubt I could beat a cute little baby
Well, I think I could beat a cute little baby but the judge is a little biased
Doubt the prize is that great
I never win anything anyway
I suck

- Amanda P.
Saint Louis, MO
USA